How To Manage A Ménage A Trois

The management of a relationship to two is already complex enough: should you add a third person to please your man? This is obviously adding a layer of complexity to an already complex task. The establishment of a household of three is not done on a whim. In addition to the usual difficulties that a person faces as in a traditional relationship, this household to several offers some challenges of its own. To succeed, you will need relational skills, which go hand in hand with a good interpersonal relationship.

For example, do not force your relationships into a predefined form: let them develop as naturally as possible. Sometimes people – especially those who are already part of an established couple – decide what kind of relationship they want, what form that relationship will take only then, try to fit another person into that relationship space. Human nature is complex and each person will have their own ideas, desires and needs in a relationship of this kind.

If you have to accept a three-way relationship, you have to treat each member of the relationship in a way that respects who he is. The group must give each person a voice in the common chapter: you try to have a harmonious relationship, you do not look for spare parts. Listen to what the relationship tells you to do instead of trying to force it to be something specific. To move forward successfully, one must not bear a grudge about what is happening or want everything to be equal for all. Indeed, we are often tempted to try to transform a relationship to several into a counting game. Such has been done so many times by such a person, etc.

While fairness and compassion are noble goals in any relationship, sometimes things do not work exactly as we expect. Moreover, equity operates at a global level, not a local level. Thus, there may be times when one of the partners, for whatever reason, is in a crisis situation, faces problems or for whatever reason, needs more support and attention . As long as this support is available to all people in the relationship when they need it most, it is best not to dwell on counting points.
Understand the nature of expectations and needs

In the same vein, it must be understood that your needs do not have a direct relationship with the other woman of your partner. It is usually more helpful to ask what you really need than to try to get the same things as your partner’s other wife. Everyone does not have the same needs and happiness is more easily found when our needs are met, not when we have the same things as the people around us.

What must be understood is that the purpose of a three-way relationship must be to seek to ensure that all relational needs are met in a manner that promotes overall achievement. It is not viable to try to achieve parity for everyone. Being happy can not be a competition against others! Do not let problems settle. Solving problems is never easy. In fact, approaching a person who behaves in a way that hurts you or does not meet your expectations carries emotional risks. Sometimes it is much easier to wait for small problems to go away on their own, unless of course they become big problems. This is true in any relationship, two or three.

If it is tempting to let things rot, the fact is that small problems or worries can be magnified, out of proportion when they are not treated and it is dangerous for any relationship. Get in the habit of being open about problems – even the small ones. Listen to yourself, listen to your emotions, learn to pay attention when something is bothering you, and develop the tools you need to put these things on the family table before they have a chance to grow.

The relationship to many is not always the problem

Do not assume that a threesome will solve the problems in your relationship. Adding others to a relationship does not make it simpler, on the contrary. Housework can be a very powerful and rewarding way to improve a good relationship – but as surely as night comes after day, it will also expose problems in a relationship. Bringing someone into an existing relationship, which already has problems, is likely to exacerbate these problems.

Moreover, it is an unfair situation for the person who has just arrived in the relationship, because the more problems there are in the relationship, the more unstable this person’s position will be. Similarly, we should not consider the household to many as the problem. All the problems in a multi-relationship do not come from the relationship itself.

The mistake is to consider yourself in a non-traditional relationship, to always emphasize the fact that this relationship does not correspond to the norm and to think that this is why the people in the relationship have problems. This is not always true, the evidence, even more traditional monogamous relationships can have problems, whether it is the allocation of resources or others. And even questions that may seem, at first glance, to be directly related to this household with many – jealousy, for example – exist even in a monogamous relationship.

It may be tempting to point out the particular structure of the relationship, whenever there is a problem and say that it is the sole cause of concern. But, it is often more useful to treat each problem in a specific way and to try to understand where it comes from, before making assumptions and blaming it on the multi-household.

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